About Us

My Story About Conversations, Bridges and the Better Way

I grew up in a family where my mom and dad often had very different opinions. All I ever wanted was that we would all get along well and I could not understand why they did not. Sometimes it was this painful silent treatment or the heartbreaking arguments that were building walls between them. I know they actually wanted to connect, but did not know how. It all caused a lot of hurt and distress for them and the whole family even after their divorce.

I felt trapped because I wanted to say something but did not know how. Oh, how I longed for bridges of a true connection where communication would flow without somebody being scared of being judged or without offending someone.

For many years I believed we can cross the river only when we come to the bridge. But I was not patient enough to wait until I come to a bridge. One day it struck me in my heart that I could build bridges myself and connect with people on the other side! I was not aware if this was only my childhod fantasy as I had no real life role models to follow.

Open conversations and deep personal connections was something I learned about in my books. Deep inside I had the dream that this is how I wanted to live my life. I decided I would educate myself how to build bridges of true connection and I searched for information in books.

At first it was easier for me to have challenging debates with friends and strangers, so I practiced my bridge building muscle with them. I was heartbroken at times when I was still not truly heard or when I unintentionally hurt someone by expressing my opinion. Nevertheless I kept on learning from my mistakes, reading and practicing even more to make my dream come true.

When I turned 15, I thankfully discovered my friend’s family, who were often discussing conflicting topics in a very unconflicting manner. I was amazed that sharing my different opinion was welcomed and nobody was offended or hurt.

This time I was not shut down! My perspective was seen as a valuable contribution that made the discussion lively, juicy and rich. I was wondering if I was expressing myself differently when with them or were they receiving my messages with better understanding, without judgement.

The courtroom wasn’t the answer

People (usually only their attorneys) had the chance to present their legal arguments, but they did not have the chance to openly discuss what truly bothered them. The focus was on blaming each other, fighting to win, giving their power away to the judge to make a life changing decision on behalf of them. In the legal process bridges are burned and high protective walls are built between people.

Sure, people got a judgment at the end, but this toxic situation made most of them feel like enemies, not able to communicate at all. They were cut off and isolated although they still needed to live or work together the next day! At this point, they had no clue or desire to get past those negative emotions. They were not able to have a respectful conversation with each other as coworkers, neighbours, ex-spouses, family members etc.

After we resolved their one conflict in mediation I wondered how they would talk the next day. Would they be able to rebuild trust and collaborate again? Or would they again wait for too long without addressing what was bothering them, letting the tension and walls between them rise too high. If so, the conflicts between them would then spread like a wildfire, hurting everybody involved, although this was the last thing they wanted.

Also I discovered that people would often not give consent to start a mediation. Usually, this was because one or both parties were just too hurt or too afraid of the situation worsening. The final limitation was the fact that they needed a mediator to lead their conversation for them and a mediator cannot be with them all the time. All this made me feel heartbroken.

It dawned on me, if I could teach people how to lead their own difficult conversations with grace they alone would be able to prevent escalation of their own conflicts! They might even prevent their conversations becoming difficult!

As if by chance, my friend happened to invite me to attend a life coaching training program. The new tools which I discovered helped me teach my clients how to heal the wounds from conflicts and teach them how to build their own bridges in the future by leading their difficult conversations with compassion. This made me feel totally liberated as I felt I had finally cracked the code to my life’s work. This time I had climbed the right mountain.